At The Starting Line

Today I set out on something new.

Don't know where it will lead.

Don't know where I'll be when it ends.

But I must begin.

I am awake today with a thirst. A new thirst. A welcomed thirst.

I just returned from a weekend which was the culmination of more than 8 months of focused energy and effort. The leadership team of our women's ministries at our church dreamt big, planned intently, prayed for, sweated, cried and labored over our women's retreat, which concluded yesterday. To say it was a labor of love is an understatement. One of love of course. But of labor as well. :-)

We wanted to create a weekend where we would discover, encounter and experience the amazing love of God in a new way. We believed that we often live in the shallow end of the pool of real understanding of

"how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ..." Ephesians 3:18.

 

 

We dreamt of putting on our scuba gear and heading for deep waters. To the depths of knowledge and experience that would

melt stubborn hearts,

repair friendships,

heal unspoken regrets,

break patterns of sin,

comfort the brokenhearted,

befriend the lonely,

and redeem unseemingly unredeemable pasts.

And God showed up.

He showed up in worship and community, study of His Word and rest, laughter and alot of great food!

When I woke up this morning, I realized I had just been a part of the work of the Holy Spirit. We had to fight through it, struggle, roll up our sleeves and surrender ourselves to it,  but we received the gift of His very Presence. I'm still drinking it all in but this is where it has left me this day.

Because the demands and the dreams where SO big, we HAD to put our noses in His Word and our knees on the floor in prayer. Because the stakes were SO high, nothing less than our full attention and dependency on Him would do. Knowing one of my roles would be speaking to almost 100 ladies about God and His love for them, I devoured the Scriptures. I had to have greater understanding so I could speak accurately of our great God. We were SO aware of where our strength stopped and how much we were dependent on Him.

And He showed up.

So this morning when I woke up, I didn't have any message to bring. I didn't have people desiring counsel and prayer. I didn't have a ministry team of which I was a part of that needed me to have a spirit of unity and love at all times. This morning seemed like rest from the battlefield.  However, my thirst and longing for His Word was reawakened this past weekend in a way like never before. I didn't have those retreat responsibilities anymore, but I DID have 3 precious children to whom I was entrusted with. I DID have a wonderful husband who has devoted his life to love and support me. I DID have a community and city of which I was a citizen of to whom I desire to reflect His love. I did have friends to encourage and support. So the fight was not over and I could no longer settle for casual time in the Scriptures. No longer could I rest on the memory of what I read yesterday. I wanted to live like He is calling me to live and I want to stand in the confidence of His truth not just for weekends like this past one but in my everyday. I want to be strengthened and encouraged and assured like I was this past weekend and that ONLY happened because of His word being liberally read, studied, poured over and poured out by the Lover of my soul.

And I want more.

If I am completely transparent, which I make decision to be, I had been reading my Bible but not as passionately as I needed to be. Life had me spinning which should have drawn me MORE into His word and not less. Looking back, I see how I have robbed myself of peace, confidence and love. Preparing for the retreat these past several months took me deeper into His word than before and I am thirsty for more. So much more. And it's because I want more of Him.

This morning, I sat on my bedroom floor while the kids were still sleeping and I grabbed my Bble. I had no message to prepare. No devotion to give. And I didn't know where I wanted to begin. So I turned to the book of Psalms and decided I would read a Psalm daily. I started at the very beginning (Psalm 1) and in the words of Maria Von Trapp from Sound of Music, it was "a very good place to start" :-). I read about the man (or woman) who "delights in the law of the Lord. And in His Law, he meditates day and night. " Here's the part that marked me this morning....

"And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water..."

I'm stopping my thoughts on Psalm 1 for now because my next post with be my full look at that passage. But I stopped at those words....firmly planted. Unbeknownst to me, that is what my heart, my mind, my LIFE has been craving. Being Firmly Planted. When I read those words, it was then I decided to set out on an even more focused, intentional adventure  of Scripture beginning in Psalms. Because of my great proneness to distractability, I created a plan that would be a daily read through the Psalms. 150 Psalms. 150 Days. 150 Days of Praise, I call it. Blogging would be my accountability. Each day I will read a Psalm, 1-150 then I will listen, write and receive from my Savior.

It will be an adventure for the Psalms are not all "hallelujahs" and "amens". They are raw, honest outcries of the writer's heart. They question. They twist and turn through doubt and trust, anger and joy, despair and worship. They reflect you and me.

They were put there for our benefit. God, who is so acquainted with all our ways, gave us Psalms to show us a path to honest prayer and worship from ordinary people like you and me. It was given so that we may learn how to seek Him with our whole heart and to show us what He does with authentic prayers and uninhibited worship.

That's my plan for the next 5 months. 150 Days of Praise.

So looking forward to the journey. Feel free to come along :-)