I am awake at 5:30 a.m. this morning. The kids are sound asleep. Matt is away and I am awake. I do not wake at 5:30 a.m.
Is it the earlier sunrises as summer approaches?
Is it that my mind often does not rest because of the hundreds of thoughts going through it?
Is it that sleep has never been as deep since my kids were born and since Matt is away?
Or is it because God is waiting for me and I know it :-)
I often wake each morning with an inital dread. The first few hours of the day are always very busy and full getting 3 kids to school, dressed, fed, packed and hopefully with a good attitude. I don't like the rush of these early hours. I know the time of quiet is coming after I drop them off and I dive into my day. But it usually feels like I have run a marathon by 8:45 a.m.
Today was different. I wanted to place my feet on the ground first. Figuratively as well as literally :-). I wanted to be like that tree firmly planted I read about yesterday. I am reading and writing about it again today. I wanted to enjoy the morning and not see my day in only the duties I had to accomplish. I woke up wanting more. To anticipate the richness of adventure and sweetness and depth of a new day.
"But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in His law he meditates day and night and he will be like a tree firmly planted by
streams of water..." Psalm 1:3a
(I inserted the following paragraph after I had wrote for a while. I took out what I initially wrote for here is where my time in quiet brought me.)
I wanted to enjoy this time in the morning with my kids before they go to their day. Who am I to say their day isn't as full and busy in their little hearts as mine is to me? They need to have their feet firmly planted as well as they go into their day.
Oh, how selfish I have been!!
How narrowly I have seen the daily tasks of our family life in how it effects only me!
Forgive me Lord.
Forgive me for how I have resented the busyness and perceived stress and have failed to love and bend down to their level and look them in the eye.
How I have failed to communicate how precious they are to me in my smile and care and peace of spirit.
How they have too often felt the rush and impatience of a woman whose feet have not been firmly planted!
Didn't know You were going there this morning God.
Thank You for meeting me here! Thank You for showing me how I was missing it. Thank You for opening my eyes to the truth of my days and why they were so much less than I wanted.
(There are words that I wrote much earlier than the above insert. But God was not going to let me go just to the head this morning. He wrapped this writing around and brought me to Him and what He wanted to say. I am stopping here for now. I need to drink in what I just realized. What He just showed me. I may or may not be back later today :-) God, thank You for not letting this just be a blog. Thank You for not letting me get off writing only in my head. Thank You for not letting me study Your word in order to ONLY give it away, but You seized ME by it. Let my life then just flow over. Let me live for and from You. I'm amazed. I cannot receive anymore. I am stopping for now :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment